Following up on last week’s post on giving feedback, today I’m going to focus on how to receive feedback.
As a founder or executive, there are few people who will give you candid feedback. There are a lot of glad-handers out there who will nod their head to whatever you say, laugh at your jokes and tell you how great you’re doing. The executives that I see thriving in difficult times are those who continue to seek ways to improve.
As a board member at Sisense, I was invited to a sales kickoff in New York. The CEO, Amir, presented a new organizational structure and strategy to his management team and engaged in an open Q&A session. Amir was candid about the challenges in the business and the reasons for change. We were scheduled to meet afterward. His immediate question to me was: “What could I have done better?” Amir didn’t want praise or fluff. He was constantly working on his craft to be a great leader.
Getting feedback truly is a gift. Sometimes, it’s like a jacket your spouse gives you that’s not quite your style. But when it’s given with good intentions, it’s worthy of deeper consideration. In other words, try it on.
Good Feedback Resonates
Early in my career I worked as a Product Manager at The Whitewater Group, a startup software tools company outside of Chicago. One day, I got called into my boss’s office. Mark Achler was the CEO and he was a great marketing mentor from his experience at Apple and SPSS. He sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to develop a better relationship with the VP of Engineering, whom we’ll call Max, if I wanted to stay in my job.
Ouch!
Mark was straightforward and factual in his comments. If I wasn’t able to make it work, he’d find me a different role in the company. Though I was taken aback, I immediately drew up a list things I could do to improve the relationship. Heck, I knew I had a crappy relationship with Max. I was feeling it every day.
Max was a recent hire out of a large company who seemed a bit too cavalier for my taste. Being the not-very-sociable and highly judgmental guy that I am, I knew it was something I needed to work on. And after all, it was my job at stake, not Max’s.
I tried to have a positive interaction with Max once a day. I made a point to avoid online interactions (which could easily lead to misunderstandings) and as much as possible move to one-on-one face-to-face communications. When Max or his team did something good, I made a point to gave him positive feedback.
Max and I ended up working quite closely together on a technology licensing deal with a larger software company. We were never buddies, but I did my best to be friendly. After some months, Max recruited me to manage an Engineering project, which I took as a vote of confidence.
The reason I made the effort was that I loved the work I was doing and I didn’t want to lose my job. I also knew deep down that the feedback was spot on. It wasn’t the first time (nor the last) that my judgmental style got in my way. As I’ve gotten older, I like to think I’ve gotten better at this. But it’s something I have to work at.
Find Your Feedback
The higher you go in an organization, the harder it is to get honest, useful feedback. You may want to consider developing a strategy whereby you proactively solicit input. And I don’t mean in a superficial Ed Koch “How’m I doing?” manner. You must find a few trusted colleagues who will give you honest feedback. Consider scheduling informal one-on-one “donut” sessions with people throughout the company. This provides an easy mechanism to get to know your employees and build trust. That’s the foundation for getting useful feedback. Toward the end of the discussion, you might ask an open ended question such as: What areas do you think I should focus on more to help the company?
With board members, you can be more direct in asking about your performance. In fact, it’s better to bring it up as it shows self-awareness and a desire for improvement. Since board members often have broad exposure to many companies, they can provide a good benchmark comparison with other leaders. General feedback is helpful, but sometimes the best feedback comes around specific challenges. What could you have done to better hit your numbers? How could you have had a better product launch? What did you miss when interviewing a candidate that didn’t work out?
When you ask for feedback, remember, you must resist all urges to shoot the messenger, debate or argue the points that are raised. Instead, you must listen.
If you cannot take feedback, it is much harder to learn and grow. If the feedback is emotionally charged, then it’s especially important that the person feels heard. Your instinct may be to react —don’t. You can slow down your reaction time by writing down what you are being told. Ask for details, examples and suggestion. Try to imagine an objective third party who has seen you operating under pressure. What would they notice that you might not?
Always thank people for sharing their input. If you react negatively you greatly reduce the likelihood of ever getting feedback from that person again. One of the worst sins an executive can be branded with is “they don’t listen.” Whether the feedback is from a board member, an executive or a rank-and-file employee, you want to be open to their input.
Now even if you don’t love the feedback you get, you should think about it. If one person tells you something you might be able to ignore it. But if you hear the same point from several people, that suggests a weakness you should address.
You will then need to think about ways in which you can improve. You’ll want to consciously curb any bad behaviors (talking too much, micromanaging, etc.) and look for opportunities to make deliberate improvements.
If there’s someone you’ve encountered who is particularly good at areas you struggle with, imagine that person as your personal coach. Make them a role model of how you want to behave. Ask yourself how they might handle a difficult situation.
It can take many weeks before new habits are established. You may find yourself defaulting to your old ways of operating, especially when under pressure. Keep in mind, when you need are trying to change, it will feel uncomfortable. That’s a sign that you’re making the right moves. Also, let people know that you are trying to improve. You’ll feel better about it and they’ll likely give you encouragement.
Has feedback helped you in your career? Who gave it? How did you respond? Let me know by posting a comment below.
Also thanks to Jason Lewis who noticed a typo in the headline after this was posted. Doh!
Live, personal, face to fack feedback is great but anonymous can also be valuable. Likewise sometimes with an ombudsman intermediary. The smart, introspective manager/leader can filter out the garbage and pay attention to that which resonates .... and what is anonymously written often will never be spoken .... so can be quite valuable. Also, a skilled intermediary can draw on input from any number of sources and synthesize a summary. Can prove quite valuable.
Honest, valuable, and straightforward advice for anybody working with anybody – which means all of us!